Feelings

I enjoyed a very nice show about the British stiff upper lip yesterday. It was about the history of emotional display in Great Britain. It was funny, detailed and very interesting.

In terms of showing feelings, I always am in the dark about it. Emotions can be seen as a weakness, but also as a strength. And what to do with the balance of certain feelings? Is it right to show pain when you lost someone, but not when you hurt your toe? They both hurt, but on a different level. Why can you show that you're happy that you graduated, but people think you're nuts because you are happy about your high-score? Especially when it comes to people you don't know, it is difficult to guess how far you can show your feelings.

In my latest in-take conversation with a large firm, the two people I needed to talk to, fired question after question in my direction and they expected a fully argumented and polite answer. The intensity of the questions had its peak after 30 minutes and at some point I felt dumb and not good enough. I wanted to go away from them. I wanted to cry. But you can't. It is simply not done, to show any emotions but enthusiasm and  readiness to work. I really tried to get through it. I know that I blushed after a while and I could not help it. But I pushed through.
The questioning lasted 1 hour and after that they gave me some useful advice and critique. And at that moment I was relieved it was over. I also wanted to hurt them (hurt their feelings). But I put on smile and thanked them for their time.

Feelings are a strange thing. Everyone has them, but it is not done to show them. People who do show their feelings in public, are being seen as weird. The current way of living teaches us to hide any trace of sadness, happiness... emotional chaos. Just keep carry on with a straight face and don't show them your feelings. Because that is how you show them your weakness!